Happy 1 Week Birthday Baby Ryan!!!!

I can’t help but think how different this day could be. The Lord has blessed us greatly over this past week! Ryan had a very good night last night. They have been able to wean his oxygen again to 34%. He is getting some more platelets this morning. The doctor said that as of right now he no longer needs the phototherapy (blue) light. He is making awesome urine! We need him to continue to make such good urine so that he can get rid of the extra fluid on his body.

When we lost Jackson I found this song and listened to it over and over and it brought me great comfort. I came across it again on my phone today and it seems to fit our current situation also.

Selah - I Will Carry You lyrics

There were photographs i wanted to take
Things i wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this? people say that i am brave but i`m not
Truth is i`m barely hanging on
But there`s a greater story
Written long before me
Because he loves you like this

So i will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But i know
That the silence
Has brought me to his voice
And he says

I`ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you

I am just so very thankful today that our son is alive and doing well. I know we have a long road ahead of us! I’m still holding on to the belief that God answered our prayer and brought him into this world before he could be harmed by my body. Now we just trust him and believe that he is carrying us through this time in our lives also!

Ryan’s little body has a long way to go but he is much less “puffy” than he has been! He is the sweetest. As soon as I walk in the room and begin talking he starts moving his little fingers looking for my touch! He loves hand containment. As soon as I take his feet in my hand you can feel his whole body relax!

His oxygen has been weaned further to 30% and his dopamine has been off for around 6 hours!!! The nurse said that tonight he will have his venous umbilical line removed tonight. He will still have his arterial umbilical line in for a maximum of three more days. His blood pressure is holding well but they are going to leave his arterial line in so that they can draw blood from the line instead of having to stick him for blood draws. I am so proud of this little boy! I’m not sure he will ever know how truly special he is to our family but we will sure try our best to show!

Daddy had his first experience with hand containment. I was holding his feet and had his head cupped when our little man became fussy and started kicking my hands away. I knew what this meant. He was finished with Mommy time and he was adamant that it was Daddy time. While in daddy’s hands he officially turned one week old!

For his one week birthday Ryan received a small puppy rattle! Finding toys any kind of small enough for a micro-premie is a chore!! When we found this blue puppy and knew that it was perfect! The ribbon around its neck is from Jackson’s funeral. These ribbons and colors have a great significance to our family!

Little man had a bumpy night last night to say the least. He had such a good day yesterday but at the same time that led to a very bumpy night. Yesterday he was able to wean the vent down so far that his lungs were doing very much of the work on their own. After a full day filled with tests, a PICC procedure, and family company our little guy essentially got tired overnight. The extra fluid on his body combined with the day’s events got the best of him and they had to turn up the ventilator support in order to let his body rest and his oxygen saturation recover.

I can’t lie this information hit me hard this morning. Even though I see this pattern every day at work after waking up in pain and then thinking of my child having a hard night I couldn’t do anything but take a minute and cry. Mom and Dean comforted me this morning with their words but the comfort I needed was to check on my baby.

This morning on the way to the hospital we stopped at the store and as soon as mom stepped out of the jeep she smiled and said “today WILL be a good day.” I had no clue what she was talking about until she lifted up a penny that she’d found. Since dad passed away it seems like at just the right (or when things are going wrong) time we seem to find pennies. This penny was extra special it was heads up and dated 2011. These pennies may be something silly but to us finding them is almost as if dad were here with us reminding us that everything will be ok

Once at the hospital we learned that Ryan was able to wean his oxygen slowly. His kidneys are making urine very well. His nurse said that at this point we need him to continue to diuresis for the next several days. Once the fluid is off his body they can turn toward starting to feed his gut and then we can watch him grow like a little weed.

I was able to participate in “Hand Containment” with Ryan this morning. It is the closest thing to holding him. I was able to cup his head in one hand while holding his feet in the other hand. As soon as his feet were in my hands I could feel his whole body relax. It was so far one of the best feelings! He did so well he held his oxygen beautifully. We can only do these things for a few minutes at a time and this little guy was ticked when Mommy quit.

He did have a pretty good period of desaturation while we were there. I have to admit it was a bit my fault. A good friend stopped by to visit and I had been updating her on his progress and he got pretty upset that Mommy was talking and NOT holding his hand. The nurse had just finished changing out all of his IV fluids and their tubing. His temperature had dropped during this time that the bed had to be opened to change the lines. He broke my heart! He stretched his left hand out when he heard my voice and curled his fingers up several times looking/feeling for my hand. I tried to talk to him and comfort him but all he wanted was Mommy’s touch. He got so fussy (even after sedation medications) that he dropped his oxygen saturations. His oxygen had to be turned back up to 60%. I hated to do it but I had to step out of the room for a while and let him settle down.

When we returned from lunch he was completely calm and oxygen weaned to 46%! We have to watch his stimulation because he knows he can move and make his presence known but it drains his energy.  He needs all his energy to grow and he has to be sedated to insure that he is breathing properly. I held his hand and talked to him for a while before I said goodnight.

Dean checked on him after work and his oxygen has been weaned to 42% and his urine output is close to 20+ an hour. This is very good news.

The Devil tried his hardest to make this day as bad as he could (including having the microwave pop and the outlet start to smoke) but we had to remember our pray had already been answered and that God was still in control!

Ryan had a fairly uneventful night. His nurse was able to turn his dopamine off but it had to be turned back on during the night. His BP is being stubborn and not exactly wanted to rid itself from the dopamine. He is still however remains on the lowest dose he can be on with his dopamine. His urine decreased again overnight and the doctor is giving him another dose of albumin in order to kick start his urine output again. He will receive Lasix again at five o’clock so we will wait and see how his kidneys respond to this treatment. All in all these things are what is to be expected with little ones his age/size.

Ryan received his first “big boy” line today. His PIV’s weren’t working as they should and Nurse B decided that she’d ask the doctor about placing a PICC line so he would have a guaranteed line in place for his medicines. The doctor agreed that it would be a good idea to place a more permanent line while he still had good veins left. Nurse B and S placed the line with ease. Afterwards they told us that they were able to place the line with only one stick! They also told us that they prayed before the line was placed. It is wonderful to have such faithful women caring for our son! In all honesty I’m more relieved that he now has an actual “line” other than his umbilical lines. It means that should anything go wrong and his other lines stop working at the same time (which is completely our luck) that he has a central line that he can get whatever medications that he needs at any given time.

Ryan received the first of many blood transfusions from his personal direct donor! Dean was tickled pink when he heard that his unit of blood had made it to the hospital. We were even fortunate enough to see him receive his first 5mls of blood. Dean was sure he would get rowdy but he only showed off just a bit as the blood entered his body. I’m sure we’ll have many many many more years for his blood to churn inside him and make him into his “daddy’s boy.”

We were blessed with some very good news today! Ryan had an Echocardiogram to check the functioning of his heart. They were also looking to make sure that the duct that allows blood flow to pass through the heart while he was in utero had closed as it should when the umbilical cord was clamped. The cardiologist said that the functioning of the heart in little ones his age was very vital to his recovery/growth. Thankfully the doctor informed us that he had a very good working heart and that the duct has closed on its own! They will recheck it again in order to make sure that it doesn’t reopen if he gets under great stress but for now it is closed and functioning very well!!

Today has been a bitter sweet day. I am completely ready to go home and sleep in my bed but at the same time I am absolutely dreading leaving my baby! I know all too well how it feels to leave the hospital empty handed. I’m trying to keep reminding myself that when I leave I will have a son who is alive that I can check on at any time.

Gammie came up to the hospital after church to help us with our things. She was able to touch Ryan for the first time. I’m not sure her smile could have gotten any wider!

The night before last the nurses made him the most precious sign. They have no clue how well his sign matches his (soon-to-be) room! Gammie brought him this bow for his room the night that he was born.

This morning my epidural came apart at the hub so it had to come out! I was a little worried about the pain but the oral medications seem to be doing the trick! The exciting thing about the epidural coming out is that the hep lock was removed also!! This doesn’t seem like big news to most but to me it meant that I could get a good scrub on my hands to where I am comfortable “touching” my son.

This afternoon Daddy was able to “feed” Ryan for the first time also. I love these pictures. This little boy has turned the biggest bear into the most loving father when they are together. It makes my heart smile.

Dean took some of the most gorgeous pictures of Ryan this evening. He placed his wedding band on his wrist. His ring finger is a size 10.

He also placed Papa’s ring around his wrist. I believe that his ring is a size 10 also.

My husband amazes me at times. When he heard that Ryan would need several blood transfusions he asked the nurse if he could donate his blood. Turns out that they can have family as direct donors for blood. Dean completed the paperwork yesterday and went for his appointment today to give blood. They will still have to test his blood for a couple of antibodies to make sure that he can give to an infant but as long as his blood checks out he will be able to provide Ryan with blood.  If not he will be able to help someone else in need of blood.

We had some very special visitors come to see us this morning while daddy was giving blood. Papa and Grandma Greer came for a visit. I had to tease them because they both came wearing pink! It looked like they were coming to see a granddaughter instead of a grandson!

I was able to give Ryan his first swabs from Mommy and Daddy today. He loved them! He had his little tongue moving the whole time. He tries so hard to suck on the q-tip.

After his swabs came the best moment of the day (for me that is). I was able to hold his little hand for the first time. We learned the difference in “tickle” and “soft” touch. Tickle touch is anything that may make a tickle which causes the little ones to jerk. They prefer soft touch (touch that involves you placing you finger/hand in theirs).

Today we were given instructions on pumping from our nurse. I’m sure the first pump we looked silly trying to figure everything out. I take a good bit of sinus/allergy medications so I’m trying to take an open mind with pumping and if it works great if it doesn’t then we will not stress over it. When I finished my first pump you would have thought we won the lottery! There were FOUR drops of colostrum!! We felt like we hit “Liquid Gold.”  The drops were small but just big enough to soak into a q-tip. The nurse swabbed the inside of Ryan’s mouth and he was in heaven! He had his little tongue moving and tried to take the q-tip away from the nurse!  We met C RN today. She is our lactation consultant and helped us through the pumping process greatly!

Baby Ryan

I didn’t sleep much at all last night. Mom said that she woke up and heard me snoring so she knows that I slept for a few minutes at least. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been wide awake for that long. Ryan had a pretty good night last night. When he was first born is blood sugar was understandably low and they had to give him sugar mixture through his IV to keep his sugar at an acceptable level. This morning his glucose has corrected itself and he has required insulin to bring his sugar down to a more normal level. He is still on pretty low vent settings and just a touch of dopamine for his blood pressure. His pH was more acidotic but by noon it had corrected itself very nicely per the doctor.

Little guys his age/size cannot make red blood cells so they have to be careful and watch how much blood is removed from their system. He is getting his first of probably many blood transfusions that he will require while he is in the hospital. He is still being a very feisty little fella. He pretty much gets sedation and pain medications on schedule to help him rest. Feisty is a good thing but right now they need him to conserve his energy and us every bit he has to grow and stay well.

After the loss of a child some of the smallest unnoticeable things mean the most. Today we were able to fill out the paperwork for Ryan’s birth certificate! It felt so good to see those words “Live Birth” on all the paperwork. We had to document this special occasion!!

We were already on an emotional “high” after completing his paperwork and then Dean was able to “hold” Ryan for the first time. My big scary army man turned into mush when he was able to cup Ryan’s head in his hand. He and Daddy had their first (of many) “talks.” It was precious!!

I’m not moving the best today but the good news is that I AM moving! We visited the little guy several times today in between naps. Dean was able to take these precious pictures with our phone from inside Ryan’s bed.

When I delivered Jackson I went to the hospital with absolutely nothing. I had it in my mind that the next time I delivered I would be more prepared! Little did I know I would find myself in the same situation with nothing at the hospital. Thank the Lord for camera phones! Most of his first pictures were taken with our phones until my sister was able to bring my camera from home.

My camera arrived at lunch and Dean took one of my absolute favorite pictures of Ryan. He also received his first nick-name after this picture. He looks so much like a little Smurf!! Speaking of Smurfs Dean took him is Papa Smurf to watch over him. When dad passed away and the Smurfs came out at Build-A-Bear Dean made an assimilation between Papa Monkey and Papa Smurf. We bought all three of the boys a tiny Papa Smurf to remind them of their Papa Monkey. He said that they may not be able to touch Papa Monkey but they could carry and hug their Papa Smurf at any time. He now resides on Ryan’s monitors overlooking his bed.  

He was also given a few special blankets that were Jackson’s. We were given three blankets in Jackson’s keepsake box. He only spent time with one of the blankets. I had his Auntie Lesha bring up the two blankets that Jackson did not use. Both my boys were very close in size and length at birth so these blankets fit in his bed perfectly. He now has mementoes from both Papa and Big Brother in his room with him. I know they are both watching over him from heaven and it is nice having the visual reminders also.

Happy Birth Day Ryan Edward!!

I've thought about starting a blog for some time now but never really knew how to start it untill now. Below is a type of 'letter' to my son about the day of his birth. We hope that y'all will conitnue to pray for Ryan and his growth and development. This blog will serve as a way to keep our friends and family up-to-date on his progress.


0500 AM: Mommy Dreamed of your Papa Monkey all night long, she’d actually been dreaming of him for a few days now. The night before she dreamed he gave her a huge hug and kiss on the forehead. He had begun doing that over the last few years. It’s one of the many things I’ve missed about your papa. Our last few hours ‘connected’ began with rice crispies. Mommy was scared when you hadn’t moved in your normal pattern and daddy held us both then "Roughed you up.” You did give daddy a heck of a good kick. You and Daddy made Mommy feel better this morning…..Even though Mommy couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

0830 AM: Gammie took Mommy for breakfast (or should we say our second breakfast) at I-Hop. Pancakes were amazing but your little body still didn’t kick as hard as it normally dose with breakfast.

0945 AM: We took Sarge to the vet this morning and received good news about his ears. He has been having trouble with gunky ears. The vet said the by mouth medicines he has been taking has helped the swelling in his ears and she was able to get some of the special medicine into his ear canals! He is on the mend also. You will love Sarge! He and Shadow have been very protective of you lately. They’ve rarely let us out of their sights!

1100 AM: Mommy talked to Go at Dr. P’s office and was told to come on into the office and have your little heart checked. Mommy gained 2lbs at this appointment and your heart rate was very strong in the 150’s! Dr. Pinter was pleased with your heart rate but needed your heart rhythm checked to further make plans for the day.

1140 AM: Mommy and Gammie checked into Saline Memorial and T took very good care of us! Your heart rate was still strong. Nurse D came in and checked on us also. Her daughter and Mommy went to the same church when we were growing up. T took care of Mimi when she was in the hospital several years ago. She also worked with Mimi when she worked at Saline Memorial as a CAN. It made Mommy feel good to see familiar faces!

1220 PM: Dr. P came to check on us and give us further orders for the day. Your heart rate was strong, you had no decelerations, however your heart rate was not speeding up the way it should. She said she had spoken with Dr. C at Baptist and that we should come up and have further tests to see how you’ve grown over the last few weeks.

1330 PM: We were checked in our room at Baptist and greeted by very friendly nurses. J started our care and then the ARNIII stayed with us throughout the rest of the day shift. Dr. C took a look at your precious body and it was decided that today would be your birthday!! We try not to hold his LSU scrub cap against him because he is an amazing Dr. and took very good care of Mommy!! He was confident and kind. The nurses came and put an IV in Mommy, If your Daddy asks He picked the vein. Mommy’s veins were cooperating for blood but the lab tech did an amazing job at getting a vein on the first try! Mommy might not have been able to feel your movements but she could hear you move on the monitor! You gave Melanie a run for her money today! You would not be still enough for the Doppler to pick up your heart rate consistently. Mommy thinks she just figured you out! You’re just like your big brother!! You little stink! You just wanted more time with the pretty girl!!

Many friends and Family members came to visit us while we waited on our turn in the OR. Bro H and Bro D came to visit nearly as soon as we came to the room! Bro. H said that he made it here safe but didn’t necessarily obey the speed limit. Mrs. Missy and Brother Tim also came to see us. Your soon-to-be good buddies Ivan and Drake made a special visit to see us before you were born. Drake was scared to get to close to Mommy but he loved hearing your heartbeat on the monitor. When Dr. C came into the room do complete your ultrasound the nurses took the monitor off of my tummy and as soon as it stopped picking up your heartbeat drake squinted his eyebrows and very authoritatively said “where’d baby Ryan go.”

1700 PM: The doctors came to the room and said that we’d be taken to the OR soon. Mimi and Daddy were taken to get “dressed” while Mommy went to the OR with her nurse.

Mommy’s Epidural proved to give the CRNA more trouble than it did in January. It took close to 3-4 sticks before the CRNA was able to successfully place the epidural. It seemed much more uncomfortable than Mommy’s last epidural. Thankfully the epidural worked perfectly. Within minutes Mommy couldn’t feel her legs and her back had never felt better!

Mimi and Daddy came into the room looking like a Dr. and his assistant. They were dressed from head to toe in surgical wear. Daddy’s face looked worried but we knew you were in good hands. Dr. Chatelain took his time making sure that Mommy’s bleeding was kept to a minimum. It seemed like it took an hour for us to meet you but I’m sure it was only minutes. Apparently you knew you were a die-hard Razorback fan because you urinated on the doctor as you entered the world. You made our day as the doctor lifted you above the drape to show you to us we could all see your little arms and legs just a moving.  You were born at exactly 1800 (6PM) a mere 13 hours after Mommy woke fearing something was wrong.

They quickly took you to the other side of the room where they began to care for you. Daddy watched meticulously as they cared for you. Mommy couldn’t see but she kept hearing that your heart rate was good and that your oxygen saturation was 89%.  Mommy wasn’t sure but she believed that both of those things had to be a good thing. They quickly got your little body stabilized and took you to the NICU for further care. Mommy’s doctor finished her surgery. After five minutes a lady came over the intercom and said that you had an APGAR score of 6-7. The room cheered. Mommy couldn’t remember exactly what a perfect APGAR score was but the doctor said that a score that high for a baby your age and size was nearly unheard of! From the very beginning you have knocked our socks off! Mommy and Daddy hated not knowing what was happening with you. Daddy had to step out while they moved Mommy to her bed. Just before she was moved Dr. C came and spoke to mommy with a big smile on his face. He told her that you were doing well and that you were only on room air on the ventilator. Mommy couldn’t believe it but it made her feel much better even though she was anxious to see you and meet you.

Mommy had nothing to worry about. She knew the doctors and nurses would take good care of you but she was very pleased to hear how active that you had been. Doctor B was the neonatologist on call the night you were born. He said he had never had a baby so young attempt to reach onto his sterile field and try to interfere with his work. The nurses had to hold your little hands back out of the sterile field so that your umbilical lines could be placed. By the time that you made it to your room they said you were feisty to say the least. Only a few hours after you were born you had your tongue moving and trying to tongue out your OETT!

Mommy and Daddy were able to visit you shortly after her surgery had finished. She didn’t have the best view but she could see your little foot moving. Just knowing you had the strength to be feisty gave her comfort. You should have seen your Daddy’s smile. You knew his voice and moved your little feet as he spoke to you.

Mommy was then wheeled to her room as Daddy stayed behind to let Gammie meet you for the first time. Daddy will have to tell you that story at a later time. Once Mommy was settled into her room she had many visitors come to congratulate her and Daddy on your arrival. Your buddies Drake and Ivan even came back to see Mommy. They both gave her big hugs and kisses and wanted to make sure that you were ok. Drake couldn’t quite understand where you had gone but Auntie Lesha assured him that you were safe and warm in your own special bed.

A RN and C LPN took extra special care of Mommy her first night in the hospital. They took extra time talking with Mommy and helping her through the night. Gammie, Mommy, and Daddy all spent the night up at the hospital. We all ate dinner around midnight that night. Gammie went to the café for Midnight breakfast and brought Daddy back a “rack” of ribs. It was his “treat.” Mommy didn’t sleep but a few minutes that night. Thankfully Daddy and Gammie were able to get some sleep because they had a full next few days of helping Mommy ahead of them.

I never dreamed you would make your entrance into the world the way you did. Your little body was beautiful. God blessed us this day. Many people have asked me how I “knew” something was wrong but all I know to tell them is that God was taking care of us. I had a feeling I just couldn’t shake. My doctors took this very seriously and acted quickly. I am so very thankful that we were able to save you! From the minute we learned we were expecting you we prayed that the lord would take care of you. We prayed that even though the doctors didn’t believe that we would have a repeat problem with the placenta that if something should happen and my body begins to hurt you that the lord would make it so that you would grow big enough to be born and finish growing outside of my body. Our prayers have been answered. I have a peace that I cannot explain but I know the Lord had a hand in your birth and he is watching out for you. We are so very thankful that you are alive and resting as your little body grows!