Ryan now has a new fancy ventilator (well it doesn’t look as fancy but it does more fancy work). His lungs are immature (naturally) and have become more rigid and stiff. This makes gas exchange much more difficult. Normally on an adult we would increase their rate and adjust the pressure settings. On little guys like Ryan adjusting the pressure does more harm than good. His new Vent has him breathing at a much greater rate and uses lower volumes of air. It is closer to being around 100 breaths per minute. It allows the little sacs in his lungs to stay open and makes it much easier on his body to oxygenate. When you look at him his chest doesn’t rise and fall but rather “wiggles.”
With the help of added medication and his better oxygenation his kidneys have kicked into high gear! Both his lungs and kidneys have done more than their fair share of work over the last two-and-a-half weeks. His kidneys have been compensating as his lungs have gotten stiffer and now have gotten tired themselves. We just pray that with the added help of the new ventilator that it will be exactly what his little lungs and kidneys need.
We are filled with so many emotions is it extremely hard to keep them in check! We’ve made it home from the hospital and I’m not sure what I want/need to do first. On one hand I have the overwhelming urge to clean. I guess that is just the need to feel like I’m in control of something? On the other hand I feel like I need to puke! The last few days it seems like I have to make myself eat dinner otherwise it is as if we just ‘forget’ about eating. Lastly there is the urge to need to cry/scream/sleep that you never know when either of them will surface. We knew that this road wouldn’t be easy and that there would be ups and downs but it seems you’re never fully prepared.
I never dreamed that lightning would strike us twice. When we became pregnant with Ryan we knew that there was a chance he would be a few weeks maybe a little over a month early but as the reports/ultrasounds came in and all looked well we somewhat let our guard down. I was at peace when Ryan was delivered because I knew he outside of me and was safe. Now I feel as though I’ve reentered the realm of the unknown again. I keep reminding myself that he is safe and that all the staff has his absolute best interest at heart and are doing their very best to help him grow and mature. We will make it through this time. .God has brought us this far through this crazy year and I have every bit of faith that he will bring us through his time. There are just days/times that I get scared that it might not be the outcome I want but I know the only way to get through is have him guide and walk us through.
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