Bad Day

If you’ve ever heard Fuel sing the song “Bad Day.” That’s how my weeks gone. We’ve made up many different versions of this song to fit situations since it has hit the radio. My dad even joined in with me at deer camp onetime and we made a version! It’s kind of been our ‘anthem.’  Dad used to say that us “Rundels” do too have luck. . . .It’s just Bad Luck.

It is easier to make light of our day now but this morning it was very scary. Ryan continued to have pulse ox and heart rate drops overnight.  The Rounding Doctor wrote for Ryan to have a caffeine bolus, increased his dose, and is starting him back on his steroids.  (I don’t guess I realized that we had finally weaned off of them) He is also checking a CBC to look and see if Ryan might have an infection.

Ryan did good with his changes until around 11 o’clock. At that point mom said that he began having pulse ox and heart rate drops pretty consistently. It got to the point the nurse couldn’t take care of any other baby except Ryan. Dr. Z was the on call MD and decided that he wanted to get aggressive with Ryan to ‘get him over his hump.’

He ordered for Ryan to receive 18mls of blood and started him on some antibiotics. They took a blood culture because his wbc was on the high side of normal. If the culture dose not grow anything they will stop his antibiotics.

I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to sit in his room and watch the day play out. I am lucky. My mom stayed with Ryan today and gave me nearly second-by-second text updates. Ryan had a very very tough 4-5 hours today but by 5pm he was feeling better.

He tolerated a visit from Daddy and Auntie Lesha this afternoon.

When I finally got off work he was a completely different baby! This has been a slow decline in him all week and I didn’t really notice till the night before how lethargic he had become. I can see it in his eyes looking back at pictures from the last few days.

We ended up having a VERY GOOD visit after work. His color had already begun to pinkin up. After only 4 of his ml of blood infused he was already getting back the energy to interact.

He was a very happy baby again! I needed that visit so bad. We were able to see him being weighed tonight. He lost several grams over the last two days. He Is down to 1335 from 1350. This isn’t anything to really worry about since he has expended so much energy keeping his heart rate and pulse ox on track.

I was able to dress in him in his Razorback Onsie for the game today! He seemed to really enjoy that were FINALLY getting some Mommy/Baby time after a very long week!

The nurse was nice enough to let me pick him up and he got kisses from both Mommy and Daddy before he went to bed for the night!

I just Love this little guy so much. The thought of losing him is excruciating. I know that they tell me that he is far from being in his ‘will he make it phase’ but I can’t help to think back how it felt to lose Jackson. I just don’t want to ever feel that pain again. I think I’ve become hypersensitive to that reality lately. I know its normal after everything we’ve been through this year but at time the thought consumes me. So for now I’ll continue to cry myself home after visits on hard days and try my best to get some much needed sleep and pray that he continues to get better. Hopefully (If he has a good rest of the night)  the nurse said I should be able to hold him tomorrow!