Our Little Rangers

Today is one of those days that my mind has been struggling. It can wander so easily to a very dark place. Today is National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Day.

The fear and worry never seem to go away. I don’t believe that it gets easier with time. You may go longer distances in time before it slaps you in the face at some of the most inopportune times. Please pray for those who’ve experienced loss and those who will one day experience the loss of a child. A good friend of mine posted a quote yesterday that I’d like to pass on here. . . .

A person that loses a partner is called a widow. A child who loses a parent is called an orphan. But there is no word to describe a parent that loses a child, because the loss is like no other. Think of someone you know or love who has lost a baby or a child, and take a few minutes to remember & honor their beautiful angels.

My Angel is Jackson Michael. He loved alligator! His first trip was to Ranger’s Ball Park. I miss him every day! He is my Angel in heaven. My ray of sunshine in Heaven. I wish he were here with us today but I have to think that the Lord knew he needed him there with him where there is no suffering or pain.

I know for me it is hard not to get caught up in our loss. Or human minds can take us to very dark sad places in a hurry. I’m so thankful for my second little ray of sunshine. My Rainbow I’ve heard some say. One look at him helps heal some of the sadness in my heart.

Ryan has officially made it for approximately 60 hours of the ventilator. When they took the breathing tube out it was like we started over with the counting. If we make 24. . .48. . .72 hours then XYZ. His nurses are telling us that they don’t anticipate him returning to the vent. I’m trying to have that same feeling but I just want to keep myself ‘prepared’ should he have to be re-intubated.

It is so strange to sit in his room without the vent. We have many new ‘freedoms’ since Ryan has done well off the vent and some old routines have returned. He needs less stimulation during his first days off the ventilator. This is so he uses his energy breathing and growing instead of interacting (and showing out). We often have to step out and let him sleep. He has loved interacting since he was born.

The nurses are wonderful and let us interact durring feeding and changing times while he is awake. Today I was able to pick him up and place him on his Daddy’s chest!

Ryan spent some time on his Daddy’s chest this afternoon. It seems so strange yet such a LONG time coming seeing him sleeping (without the breathing tube) on his Daddy’s chest.

I would sit and watch him sleep and grow all day long!

He got a little fussy and began reaching for Dean’s finger and trying to bring it to his mouth. Dean’s arms “don’t bend that way” so slid the tip of my finger in his mouth and he began sucking feverishly! I found his passi and he did such an amazing job of practicing his sucking AND breathing effectively at the same time!

Dean did a much better job not worrying as much this time around! He even rested enough that he started snoring! He did have a minor moment worrying about his feeding tubes but overall he did a great job enjoying rather than worrying.

Ryan has been doing well with his feeds, diapers, and breathing! He is now on 18mls of Similac Special Care 24 calorie formula every three hours. His nurse said today that he has reached the age where he may have a doctor’s order every few days.

We are basically to the feeding and growing stage. His nurse even commented that he is no longer their “sickest” little one. It seems like it took forever to get to this point and now everything is moving at rocket speed.

Ryan’s nurse weighed him while he were in with him this afternoon and he now tips the scales at 2lbs 0oz. This is 920 grams! My gut told me 920 yesterday but I went with 930 second guessing myself. In my defense he did have a Large diaper that we removed before he was changed. (I’m sure that weighed at least the extra 10grams that I was off by!)

This last video is for my little man Drake! He was concerned about Baby Ryan crying when he saw the last video. Baby Ryan cries to let us know when he needs something. Sometimes it is a diaper change and other times it is because he is hungry . . . Today that something he needed was his passi!